In limbo

Driving to work and seeking distraction from this sombre state, I listened to my favorite music in the car. It reminded me of the impending grey days before the CI, when I became less interested in music due to further loss of hearing. I could 'see' the music through a fog. It is there, but I can't touch it. I arrived at work and quickly became discouraged and sullen. Everyone and everything sounded awful to me - flat, lifeless yet imposing. I couldn't hear the children. It was mumbojumbo. I felt myself retreating and feeling less social even though I feel supported by my fellow workers. I felt distracted. I want the CI back and all its promising benefits.

I heard back from the audiologist who wanted to connect with me and make sure I was doing OK. He was very reassuring and acknowledged the difficult time I am going through. The surgeon then asked me to come in and meet with him. I asked Mark to accompany me, as I needed a hand to hold. (He has been a rock through this trying time.) The doctor was also affirming and explained further what had happened in my case. He was very apologetic for what had happened. I was then given pre-op and post-op instructions and will await a surgery date. I hope the days in limbo won't be long.

I asked the audi just how big is a human cochlea? He presented a fiberglass example of the cochlea (photo is shown below - the cochlea is on the right edge of the fiberglass piece). I was surprised at how miniscule it is. Lucky for me I had my camera in my purse and took the photo to share! He also presented the silicone array for the photo - this little miracle that blows open doors to sound for many deaf people. The curve at the end of the array is what hugs itself inside the cochlea, sending signals to the auditory nerve that is attached to the cochlea. On the array, the little wire halfway is what the surgeon uses to insert the straightened tip (22 electrodes included) inside the cochlea, and then releases it, enabling the tip to curl around the perimeter of the cochlea. In my case, it was inserted prematurely and somehow folded itself back, so it was dislodged inside the opening about a quarter of the way in. Many doctors have erred at not inserting the electrode array fully as they are hesitant to push the straight tip too far and create more damage. However, the "fold back" of the array is unheard of, so this leaves the medical profession scratching their heads.

During surgery, the array will be removed and checked out. It is a $20k piece of equipment and if it is salvagable, it will be re-inserted. However the surgeon has a low threshold for error and may replace the whole thing. There will be some scar tissue growing on the device so it may not slide right out. However it is much easier to deal with than the first surgery as it doesn't involve any drilling.