Recovering

Its been a tough few hours.. Yesterday at noon I had to cut the mapping short. My body and brain screamed "TMI" (too much information) and I had to get myself home and straight to bed. The strange new way of listening is too much, too different, too much a barrier and I feel lost. I long to return to a feeling of world-presence. Im feeling better this morning, after much needed sleep. I am not as eager to put on the processor this morning... I like the quiet right now. I am tired of the head noise, and the bodily confusion. I know it will pass, I just have to get through it. The whole audible basis of perception is completely altered and life feels foreign in ways. When I finish writing I'll grit my teeth and put it on. I am hopeful that it will get better today.. I have a feeling it will, because as I lay in bed in stillness and quiet last night, I left the CI on to allow my brain to sort itself out. I felt a sense of calm coming into my space, which was oh so good. When I went to sleep, I took it off to allow the skin, where the magnet is that holds the transmitter, to recover.

I realize ever since i was turned on, my attentiveness to life in sound was on HIGH and I haven't had a moment of quiet until my body told me to stop.

Off to get ready to go back to the hospital. Its a slow and long commute. I may play music, or I may allow myself to attend to environmental noises. I prefer to take a quieter approach to the day. The last few days were filled with adrenaline in my body. I am relieved for the quiet state that my body is recovering in.